Saturday, April 20, 2024

Sex and the SUNY: Where the wild things grow

I’ve got a secret, ladies: Guys aren’t afraid of pubes. Some actually love them. And believe me. I would know.

It all started as a silly idea. I was always a hardwood floors kind of girl. I kept my precious bald. Sure, I had lazy moments where it wasn’t all shine and sparkle, but I never liked the idea of someone seeing carpet where there should be wood.

In an attempt to remain faithful, I dawned my days of bristles and fuzz. I was (sort of) dating a man who had moved to China. I didn’t want to screw anyone while he was gone because he was “the one” or whatever. So I thought: “I’m not going to shave. That way, I’ll keep my legs closed.”

So much for that. My legs didn’t stay closed, but my lips did stay hairy.

Don’t get me wrong: I like to keep it neat. I’m not about having a bush down there. I trim probably about once a week, and my hairs look pretty fly. I got a buzz cut going on. Most of my sexual partners since this change would probably agree.

I was kind of freaking out the first time I had pube-infused sex. After all, I had no idea how my partner would react. I was self-conscious. If the dude were a boyfriend, it wouldn’t matter. But he wasn’t. None of my sexing-while-hairy encounters have been with a boyfriend. One was with an ex-boyfriend, though.

To my shock, the first man I rubbed bodies with acted normal. A former sexual partner, he was familiar with my usual clean-cut cooch. Even then, however, I heard no complaints. I was expecting something — even if just a funny comment. But nope. He even went down on me that night, something he never did before.

My second sexual encounter riddled me again. This was new territory, and I felt nervous all over again. Again, nothing. After his pathetic pleads, we had crappy drunk sex. At least I got some head — again.

That’s when I realized that the pubes held power.

I’ve received tongue action from every dude I’ve been intimate with since I’ve let nature take its course. It’s awesome. Be jealous.

Two men even told me they loved my fuzz. It turned them on. That made me feel hella’ good and turned me on even more. I was out of the norm for them. They were used to hairless bodies, and I was sexy for saying, “Screw the status quo.”

But growing pubic hair doesn’t have to be a political statement. It doesn’t have to be for feminism. I’m a feminist, but that has little to do with why I went natural. I already explained my silly reason. That, and it’s nice to rid myself of the post-shave itchy crotch. Plus when you’re bored in bed, it’s nice to have something soft to pet.

I used to be afraid of what dudes would think if they found hair where they weren’t expecting any. I’m telling you, ladies. That fear is silly — even more than why I let mine grow.

When men want sex, they don’t care about anything besides getting their penises wet. I’m not sure about women, but I’d imagine women would be even more cool than men.

And if a guy isn’t down with the furry business, kick him to the curb. He obviously has yet to be amazed by the force.

I’m telling you: The pubes have power. Embrace it. Own it. Grow it.

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