Friday, June 14, 2024

The trials and tribulations of a modern woman

A stigma exists that if a man does anything outside the realm of masculinity, then he is weak or less than.

That’s not only offensive to men but to women as well. Drinking sugary cocktails, shaving your legs and applying makeup are called “feminine,” as if they’re easier.

From firsthand experience, I can tell you that they’re not.

Women and people alike who do these things are tough as hell.

My philosophy on anything is you can’t fully understand something until you experience for yourself, so I did.

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Firstly, I’d just like to clarify: No, I didn’t experience inherent and forced hardships that come with being a woman.

I didn’t have my period. I didn’t get paid 79 percent of what my male coworkers earn.

Instead, I focused on practices women and people alike practice in order to be accepted by themselves and the rest of society.

To experience the hardships that come with being a woman, I was going to need a female mentor.

I asked my staff writer and partner-in-crime Courtney Casey to divulge her secrets and teach me the ways of the woman.

Fruity drinks

Fruity cocktails and wine are so full of alcohol and sugar that I physically cannot stand them. You haven’t experienced a real hangover until you get drunk off Smirnoff Ices or a bottle of Pinot Gris. Sure, you might be thinking to yourself, “Smirnoff Ices just taste like soda,” which they do, but when you drink something of that variety, you’re basically pulling a Houdini and asking people to punch you in the stomach as hard as they can.

I still think getting “Iced” at a party is one of the stupidest things ever, but I highly respect anyone who takes a knee and chugs the headache inducing beverage. I’ll stick to beer and whiskey.


Applying makeup to my own face is probably one of the hardest endeavors I’ve ever tried.

My eyes are something that I don’t want people messing with, so when Casey stretched out her eye lid and started penciling shadow on the thin flap of skin protecting her cornea, I got pretty nervous.

My attempts were futile. Instead of lining my eye like the product’s name entails, I drew a black squiggle across my closed eye. I won’t even say I looked like a clown. I just looked wrong.

The eyeliner wasn’t even the worst part. Putting on bright red lipstick turned into a smudged mess covering my jaw.

Casey said wearing makeup isn’t necessarily about looking beautiful to the world, but rather looking beautiful to yourself. Even a small application of bronzer or cover-up is an instant confident booster.

She’s right. I suffer from bad acne on a daily basis, but when I put on the cover-up, the acne was gone.
I felt better with myself.

Casey said properly applying makeup takes no more than ten minutes for her. I looked like a surrealist painting after ten minutes.

Leg Shaving

After speaking with a few female friends, I learned most college-age women tend to shave their legs anywhere from one to three times per week, and this process takes only a few minutes. Seeing as how I’ve never shaved my legs, I knew it was going to much more time consuming for me.

Casey demonstrated on herself first, sliding the razor up her leg, which to me seemed like break-neck speed.

How was she not cutting herself? Years of practice, apparently.

I can barely shave my own face, so tending to my much hairier legs was going to be interesting. After two minutes, I only had one of my ankles smooth. To do the entirety of both legs would take a ridiculous amount of time.

Casey suggested I try to shave the back of my thigh, a common trouble spot during leg shaving. The immediate action wasn’t bad, but the days of itching that followed were unbearable.

Shaving my legs three times per week doesn’t sound like anything I’d like to be a part of.

My conclusion by the end of this experiment — this stuff is hard.

If someone calls you girly for drinking a Mike’s Hard, if someone calls you feminine for shaving your legs, if someone calls you a “pussy” for wearing makeup, just tell them, “I’m as tough as a woman.”

Email Griffin Kelly at

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