Spring cleaning

That smile on your face makes it so easy to trust you.

“If they only knew,” I thought to myself.

I stood in the basement of some random house, while people around we’re losing their minds.

She took me aside, away from the middle of the dance floor. It was just me and her, and I was in my most vulnerable state.

I’m drunk. That whiskey and coke didn’t do me any favors, and it’s sure not helping me get out of this awkward situation.

All I want is a quick chat, but I realize that I’m going to be here for a while.

Just act normal. Maintain eye contact. You got this, Dave.

I try to stay focused, but my attention turns to her lips, “Maybe I’ll to get acquainted with them, again,” I told myself.

The easy route would be to kiss her right now. Maybe I go to her place tonight, who knows? I have to remind myself that nothing good came out of that the last time I did that.

“You’re over her, Dave. Remember how she made you feel. She’s nothing but trouble.”

I begin to zone out as the liquor evidently sneaks up on me.

Thinking back, I don’t really know what it was exactly that drew me to her in the first place. Maybe it was her laugh, her eyes or her personality.

There was something about her that made me think I just had to get to know her. That feeling you get when you’re around someone you’re into.

Man, that never gets old.

When we first started hanging out we hit it off pretty well. To her credit, I’ll admit, she is the only girl that has left me ‘tongue tied.’ I can’t believe I still stutter at age 20. This “stage” in our “relationship” lasted for only a short time.

Reality started to hit with that first Instagram post and then another one — five to be exact. It was one of those posts that she wasn’t trying to hide. She wanted me to see it.

That picture was there for me. I shouldn’t have looked at it, but I did. She was with someone else, another guy, and by the way she was acting, this didn’t look like any other ordinary friend.

I proceed to torture myself while I stared at the picture hoping by some miracle that this guy disappeared, and I would take his place. I feel like I should have ended it here, but of course, I didn’t.

What I didn’t realize at the time that she was in my head. She knew how I felt about her. She used that to her advantage, and conveniently kept me around so I wouldn’t lose interest in her. It worked.

Why do we do this to each other? Why must we play these games? Is it so hard to be honest with someone and tell them how you really feel?

The worst part about it was the false hope. Nothing’s worse than getting your hopes up for something that will never happen. As I snapped out of my drunken trance and looked at her again I thought, maybe I’m the problem.

Maybe I’m too optimistic. I want to believe that we’re all nice people, and I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Sadly, that’s not how things work. I hate that some people come into your life just to teach you a shitty life lesson.

I guess it’s true that the devil doesn’t come dressed in a red cape and pointy ears. I wished that was the case though. Wouldn’t that be convenient?

Maybe i’m guarded now, and so be it. At least I can say that this won’t happen again.

I walked out of that house wiser. Thank you for opening my eyes. I can see clearly now.

Email David Luces at fuse@cardinalpointsonline.com