Sunday, May 19, 2024

Sex and the SUNY: You’re the one that I want

Getting my hopes up too high is something I will never grow out of. I get too excited about anything and everything — it’s just who I am. I have high expectations for a lot of things in life, especially my love life.

I’ve had a few flings in the past, but college made me realize things about myself and others. I am a happy, confident woman, and I love my life and everyone in it. I’m grateful for the people who have entered my life and whether they stayed or didn’t. Each one taught me a valuable lesson: Be yourself.

It sounds cliché, but it’s true. In retrospect, I’ve realized that in past relationships I’ve had I was nervous to be myself — I held back. That led me to being awkward and pretending to be someone I’m not, which goes against everything I believe in. So, I’ve learned nothing is more important than being yourself and being happy. It makes life much more enjoyable. I promise.

I’m happy being single, but I’d also be happy if I had a man in my life — a man who respects me, motivates me, understands me, supports me and loves me. I trust myself to know when I have found the right guy for me. It’s all about that gut feeling and the way your stomach drops when someone mentions their name, or you see that they texted you or liked your Instagram picture (guilty).

I admit I have a “type,” but when I have my mind set on something or someone, I’m usually very adamant about it. My friends call me picky. I call it setting the bar. Perhaps I can lower the bar a bit, but my mom always told me not to settle.

My brain does this weird thing where it likes to make up obscene, ridiculous scenarios that cause me to envision different ways in which I’ll meet a nice, loving man. These scenarios lead to the high expectations I set for love.

My favorite scenario my brain has made up is the one where I fall in love with a guy who helps yank my purse out of the doors on the subway. In my vision, I was struggling trying to get my bag out of the doors, and he used his muscles to pull the doors apart to release my bag — a true hero.

Facebook and Twitter are congested with articles and blogs about why you should be single in college. Personally, I think most of these articles are petty because women shouldn’t have to read a list of reasons to know it’s acceptable to be single. Being single is the perfect opportunity to focus on yourself and establish and accomplish goals.

Let us single ladies rejoice and have fun. It is not a bad thing to make up scenarios and have visions of what love is supposed to be like, but at least make some of them practical. I’ve watched too many rom-coms and read too many love stories to not believe that man is out there somewhere. I’m ready for you, man of my dreams!

I will end this with a favorite quote of mine said by model Miranda Kerr:
“The worst thing you can do is go looking for a partner. You have to embrace the time you have to yourself and do things that nurture your mind and soul. If the right partner is around, he’ll come to you. I feel like men have a natural instinct to want to be the ones chasing… Just relax into your own skin instead of getting too far into the future. Be present.”

Email Jessica Miles at

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