I’ve got to be blunt here: I can be aggressive.

I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. I certainly don’t think that by saying that I am disrespecting myself because, hey, it’s true. I know what I want, I know how I want it, and I have no qualms about letting you know if it’s not working for me.

I am, of course, talking about myself in general, everyday terms, but since your mind went there, let’s talk in not-so-general terms.

I like it rough. I enjoy a good lip bite and snarl. I love when a dude moves me without me having to ask, and I adore waking up with some not-so-mysterious bruises.

Those guys who sweetly kiss your forehead as they recite sonnets and sheepishly thrust into you? Not only should they not exist, (they probably don’t; I might’ve been using a bit of artistic license) but if they do, they should probably do some self-reflecting before they bore any more poor girls with their weak sexual prowess.

I have a dominant personality. I need someone who can keep up with me, both in and out of the bedroom.

I’m not saying I’m looking for my very own Christian Grey-esque storyline — actually, I’m looking for very much the opposite. I find it sexy when a man isn’t threatened by a woman who knows what she wants. I find it even sexier when he wants to know what she wants, too.

This may come as a shock to those who vaguely know me, but probably not to my friends who are all too familiar with my personality, which I would define as a combination of geeky and aggressive. Actually, according to a study by online dating service OKCupid, users who are interested in grammar are also more likely to be into rough sex.

This makes sense to me as someone into both topics, as it probably directly connects one’s desire for control and/or correct word usage.

Nowadays, it seems that guys who are unthreatened by powerful and assertive women are few and far between. I think it takes a certain type of man to place his ego and desire for constant control on the back burner and allow the female to take charge in any situation, but especially one sexual in nature.

But I’m by no means saying that I like to always be the one doing all the work. Sometimes I like to be worked on.

Recently, I had the pleasure of hooking up with a dude who just got the ever-elusive “it.” He knew exactly how I liked to be kissed, caressed and moved about. It was unexpected and warmly welcomed.

At one point during the natural course of events, as he lay above me, I had my eyes shut and was pleasantly surprised as I felt his hand slide down my throat and his thumb press into my larynx firmly. That one move was a literal eye-opener for me. I had never considered enjoying an action like that, and while I did, it also emphasized the importance of sexual communication.

Even though I liked him being aggressive with me, it was a risk for the guy to do that because he couldn’t be sure beforehand whether I’d be cool with it or not. I made my positive feelings known, but it would be just as important for me to do so if I didn’t like it as well and for him to respect that in a mature and completely appropriate way.

So, my friends, although life can be rough, it is up to you to be rough right back. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

Email Maggie McVeyat news@cardinalpointsonline.com.

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<a href="http://cardinalpointsonline.com/byline/maggie-mcvey/" rel="tag">Maggie McVey</a>