Shoppers must go back to black

By Sophie Albertie

It’s fine to create a ridiculous holiday, but at least commit to the bit.

Black Friday has fallen off harder than discussing your love life at the thanksgiving table. In a country ruled by greed 365 days out of the year, the one thing we just can’t seem to figure out is keeping those holiday deals as low as they were in the 80s. Warriors no longer come out to play if a flat screen TV is 20% off as opposed to 90% with a buy one get one free discount. 

 I want to see suburban housewives fist fighting over the last Hatchimal or Jellycat or Labubu just like their ancestors intended. 40 years ago, Cabbage Patch Kids and Transformers could have been the reason your aunt lost her eye. Now the spirit of competition is obviously going to be milquetoast at best if the price range stays in the triple digits. 

This is all partially due to the dreaded arch nemesis Cyber Monday. 

The way I feel about Cyber Monday is the way Garfield feels about every Monday. America needs to stop selling its collective soul to Jeff Bezos.  Bring back tradition, not free shipping and handling. 

Not to mention we as a society would be losing such an integral part of our culture. 

the intensity of the early mornings, waiting in line and staying until closing because this is the day to get luxuries at the most reasonably offered price all year. Coffee in one hand and wallet in the other. 

Capitalism is here to stay, let’s embrace the system for one day.