By Abigail Azadian
Sagittarians wake up with no regrets about any of their chaotic choices the night before and continue to drink dumb b—h juice without a second thought. They are the friend that has to be baby sat during every night out.
Pisces alike, Sagittarius acts like a child left to wonder. They think deeply about the world, but treat it like their philosophical playground. This doesn’t make them wiser, it just means they are constantly going through an existential crisis.
Don’t even bring them to a Cancer’s home. Cancers work too hard to create a warm, cozy atmosphere for a sloppy Sagittarius to ruin it. Sagittarians are the red wine stain in the white rug. Sage can’t even cleanse the devil energy they carry around. Scorpios need to rely on the people close to them, and Sagittarians feel like their freedom is threatened anytime people get close to them.
Sagittarius and Geminis are as flaky as croissants, but there’s nothing delicious or soft about either of them. Actually, they’re flaky like dandruff. Sagittarius makes plans, then vanishes. Poof! Right into thin air, until the day of plan when they cancel.
Ghosting can be put on their resume.
Like Libras, when faced with any commitment, Sagittarius are running out the door and looking for a next to knock in. Aquarians and Sagittarius take the least popular opinion and yell it in every room as they enter, just for attention. Both signs confuse being the smartest in the room with the loudest.
Fire scorches the Earth, and likewise no Earth signs want anything to do with Sagittarians. Taureans are patient and think about the consequences before making decisions. Sagittarians live by the principle that it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. Capricorns make the rules, Sagittarius break the rules. If a Capricorn tries to negotiate with a Sagittarius, don’t waste your time — Sagittarius pouts until they get their way.
Public Service Announcement: everyone needs an emergency exit plan if they are ever caught between two Sagittarians. Again, they will berate somebody with their opinions and call it teaching. Leos and Aries may be the only signs to match their energy. Leos and Aries can actually commit to something because they want people to rely on them. Sagittarians rely on their flighty reputation to evade responsibilities and/or favors people may ask them.
Sagittarians still have the audacity to expect that people trust them.
Even if Sagittarians take a minute to think about any their actions, they’ll really say “screw it,” and take another shot of dumb b—h juice.
