By Cinara Marquis
After 10 years with no words to write, poet Alesa Bernat released her debut poetry and prose collection “Everything Is Fine.” In July 2023 she self-published the collection which delves into a woman’s journey through the diagnosis, treatment and aftermath of bipolar depression.
Bernat’s journey started in college when she transferred from Jefferson Community College in Watertown, New York to SUNY Plattsburgh to pursue a bachelor’s degree in psychology. She originally wanted to be a school psychologist but after learning about the school’s communication sciences and disorders program, she quickly switched her major to the department. She said she felt connected to the communication sciences and disorders field, not only out of her love for psychology but from experience as someone who has family members with communication difficulties.
After graduating with a bachelor’s degree in communication sciences and disorders in 2011, Bernat decided to stay at SUNY Plattsburgh for her master’s for speech language pathology.
“I had an opportunity to go to some other places, but I was so in love with the people, and the place and the speech clinic, I couldn’t say no to staying,” Bernat said.
To Bernat, the program was amazing. She said she left the university with all the tools she needed for a fruitful career. She graduated with her masters in speech language pathology in 2013.
“It was a super amazing program in terms of the undergrad and grad,” Bernat said. “It was a place that fostered creativity, passion, being and that kind of learning to work together with other people.”
Outside of classes, Bernat participated in arts, singing with the Gospel Choir and the Champlain Valley Singers. She said that it was special to connect with all kinds of people, including members of the community in these groups. She also did work study, mail delivery and tutoring at the Learning Center.
“I felt like they cared about me as an individual there, and it’s true. No matter where you were on campus, people paid attention to you,” Bernat said.
Bernat also got published in SUNY Plattsburgh’s student literary magazine, North Star, known as Z-Platt during her college career. The first time she submitted poetry, only one of five made it in. The next time she submitted three poems and each one was published. The publication made her confident and encouraged her to submit her works to other journals.
“That’s where I started in terms of the publishing where those kinds of grassroots college journals,” Bernat said. “You get a lot of rejection, but it was cool that my other college peers liked it.”
During college, Bernat started experiencing bipolar symptoms and her writing became stagnant.
“I didn’t write for a long time, and once I was hospitalized, I didn’t write at all,” she said. “It was a time without words for 10 years.”
After her hospitalization Bernat was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
“In hindsight, after you learn about bipolar, you realize these things have been going on for a while,” she said.
Bernat discovered that bipolar disorder runs in the family and that her maternal grandmother likely had it and that cousins on the other side of her family also have the disorder.
“(In 2015) at that time, I was a new mother, so for whatever reason, I didn’t have the passion for anything. The words wouldn’t come,” Bernat said.
Bernat’s journey with “Everything Is Fine” started in early 2023 when she began writing again and setting boundaries with her career. The change allowed her to better manage symptoms of bipolar disorder and prioritize herself, her family and her passions. She aimed to write about the things that people leave unsaid, such as bipolar disorder.
“When I was diagnosed, I didn’t know at the time that there were other people in my family struggling because as a society, we don’t talk about those (mental health) things,” Bernat said. “And so, when I was envisioning this book and was starting to be able to write again, I wanted it to be about the things that I couldn’t say and that my family couldn’t say. Just to show people that I’m a functional person in society: I have a great career, I have a family, and yeah, I was hospitalized for this, but I’m fine.”
Bernat said that there is a huge stigma surrounding mental health, and it made her afraid to market the book. She discovered, though, that being the person to start the conversation makes others who share the struggle of mental health feel validated.
“Most of the time when people message me about it, it’s like, ‘Hey, you know, my mother has bipolar’ or ‘my brother has something he’s struggling with’ or ‘I have depression,’ and that was the part that was meaningful to me. It was the poems that spoke to someone and gave someone that voice and gave them the confidence to say, ‘Hey, I have this going on too,’” Bernat said.
Bernat sees multitudes of mental health issues with individuals in her career. She said that better support is needed and her work calls for that.
“Everything Is Fine” starts out with poetry and prose from a naive woman new to her diagnosis and having issues with it. Bernat wanted the book to read like the journey of the woman coming to terms with her bipolar disorder. The works are meant to be read as spoken word and song, which are not Bernat’s usual lyrical style, but she wanted to take a different approach.
“I’m kind of on a different path, myself, work-wise and I’m realizing like it’s okay to branch out and show people a lot of different types of things,” Bernat said. “It’s taking me on my own journey, again.”
Bernat’s journey has brought her to Lowville, New York, where she lives with her husband and children on their family farm.
Visit Alesa Bernat’s website at https://www.alesabernat.com/
Find “Everything is Fine,” on Amazon and at the Plattsburgh Public Library.
