Sunday, May 19, 2024

‘Immaculate’ slow, boring


By Kolin Kriner

After watching the disappointment that was “Imaginary,” I was set on watching a movie that I assumed I would enjoy. “Immaculate,” directed by Michael Mohan, did not deliver, despite its misleading name. 

A very slow burn with very little reward, the film offers 20 minutes of immaculate imagery being the icing on an incredibly dry, tasteless cake that is the remainder of the film. Hollywood is overusing the nun religious horror, and it’s frankly getting boring. 

Oh, where to start on the problems with this film? How about the lead actress? After watching the worst superhero flick I’ve seen — aka “Madame Web,” — I was hoping this movie would shed better light on Sydney Sweeney’s apparent acting abilities. Yet, this movie left me questioning whether those abilities are there. 

The entire movie is just Sweeney (Cecilia) running around screaming while other irrelevant characters do uninteresting things. 

The screaming felt so forced I genuinely laughed at how ridiculous it sounded and looked. The camera held long shots of her face as she essentially takes the role of a banshee. A boring main character doing nothing for the boring, predictable plot. 

The plot on paper feels like an interesting concept, paying homage to 1968’s “Rosemary’s Baby.” That film, however, is a masterpiece. This movie decided to give a weak attempt at this amazing idea and failed miserably in producing a movie that is immaculate. 

The movie is genuinely good for about 20 minutes, mostly thanks to the gore, which felt splattered in to disguise how messy the plot is. It was confusing while simultaneously being so boring I could barely stay awake to pay any attention to it. 

The movie tried to be a psychological thriller but lost the “thrill” part of that and just left me psychologically distressed that I wasted 89 minutes of my life watching it. 

The film also uses the most cliche and cheap jumpscares that weren’t scary. This movie isn’t even frightening, honestly, it’s a comedy because it’s laughably bad.

Don’t waste your time watching this boring movie lost in the uproar that is the current trend of nun horror. The trend is getting old and is really showing the downfall of originality in modern movies. 

Remember, you’re trying to watch a psychological THRILLER, not a psychological snooze fest — which is all “Immaculate” is.


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