By Mataeo Smith
Fall 2020 will probably go down in history as the most uneventful 16 weeks of our lives. Classes are mostly online, parties are prohibited, the campus express store hasn’t been fully stocked since early March, and worst of all — everyone has a case of the idle hands.
If you’re not familiar with the term, idle hands occur when boredom slowly evolves into mischief like a caterpillar evolves into a butterfly — except butterflies don’t commit arson.
It honestly makes evening strolls around campus interesting.
We all heard about the dumpster fire around Clinton Dining Hall the other week, reported by SUNY Plattsburgh University Police, but did you happen to see the vomit contest near South Catherine Street last weekend? Apparently, two adversaries must race to see who can vomit more in a set amount of time.
The boredom across campus has led to increased binge drinking across the residence halls. Freshman Isaiah Mars hasn’t been drinking a lot since he’s started his college career. He’s been following social distancing guidelines and staying away from dorm social events, Mars said.
However, he explains how his fellow first years are different.
Every night for the past month, small groups of students wearing backpacks wander off into the night. Of course, one can’t be 100% certain they’re on their way to a small party, but the clues are there.
Generally, students don’t walk outside with a backpack at 1 a.m. unless they plan a last-minute study session with friends. However, these specific young adults are what we call backpack kids. Backpack kids are typically freshmen who use a backpack to hide their alcohol from police. Plus, they always wear some kind of headband for some reason.
Campus residents also may see students that walk around with large Chick-Fil-A cups, acting like there’s soda in it.
Nevertheless, freshmen are out more often because of COVID-19. It’s completely understandable though. Students had been locked in their houses for five months. The 43 SUNY Plattsburgh freshmen who partied at the beach Aug. 21 and the additional 15 who violated social distancing guidelines last week were just socially starved. They deserved to get suspended, and one can’t be surprised. It’s their first semester of college, which can get pretty crazy normally.
P.S., whoever left chunky orange puke all over the Clinton Dining Hall mens’ bathroom wall last Wednesday — you should be ashamed of yourself.
Everything is so shiny and new for freshmen, but COVID-19 is opposed to fun. They should try activities that aren’t felonious, like the guys who skateboard down campus streets late at night. Some have found other ways to pass the time with their peers.
It’s probably why the vending machines in Defredenburgh Hall and Hood Hall are always out of those cheap Trojan condoms.
Plattsburgh may be a small town, but there’s still stuff to do. Why don’t you go pick some apples at a nearby orchard and cook a pie? Whiteface mountain is closed, but there are other places to hike if one has a car.
Let’s just be smart here. With the way SUNY Plattsburgh President Alexander Enyedi is suspending students with the snap of a finger, we may not have any freshmen left on campus at all.
