Thursday, October 10, 2024

Consent, boundaries: A daily conversation we all need to have

By Philo Yunrui Wang 

Associate A&C Editor

 

In 2013, Emma Sulkowicz sparked the “Carry That Weight” movement, when she carried a mattress around Columbia University to protest the school’s mishandling of her sexual assault case. This act captured national attention and highlighted the failures of universities in addressing sexual violence.

The “Carry That Weight” movement paved the way for widespread discussions on consent, amplified further by the #MeToo movement in 2017.

At SUNY Plattsburgh’s Consent Awareness Week last week, the Consent and Boundaries workshop brought the critical discussions to campus on Friday, Sept. 20, hosted by Title IX coordinator Kim Irland and wellness and health promotion coordinator Heather Bennett. 

Title IX is a federal law that protects people from sex discrimination in federally funded education programs and activities. The Title IX Office is responsible for developing and implementing plans to ensure compliance with Title IX and for serving as a resource for campus members with Title IX-related concerns.

The facilitators focused on teaching students the importance of recognizing and respecting both their own boundaries and those of others. What began as a call to speak out against sexual violence has since evolved into a global rethinking of how we define respect, communication and consent in all relationships.

“Consent is a life skill that should be practiced long before it has anything to do with sex,” Irland said in the workshop.

 

MORE THAN JUST “NO MEANS NO”

“The consent must be freely given, enthusiastic and specific,” Irland said. 

Students were introduced to the broader and more nuanced idea of affirmative consent.

“Silence or lack of resistance is not the same as consent,” Irland said.

She emphasized the complicated role that substances can play in these situations, like “being drunk or drugged means no.”

Irland also pointed out that consent is ongoing. “Just because someone consents once doesn’t mean they are consenting in the future,” Irland said. Consent needs to be continually renewed, and people have the right to change their minds at any time.

 

SETTING BOUNDARIES—IN ALL RELATIONSHIPS

The workshop dug into setting boundaries in all types of relationships — whether it’s with friends, partners or even classmates. 

“Think about times when you’ve changed your mind about something, even outside of sexual activity. It happens, and it’s allowed,” Irland said.

She reminded the students in the discussion that boundaries are fluid and can be renegotiated at any time.

The students watched a short video about behaviors that disguise themselves as love, such as control and jealousy. One of the participants shared the experience of being asked to give their phone password and allow location tracking in the relationship. Consent sometimes becomes trickier in intimate relationships, as challenging or giving up boundaries is often portrayed as an expression of love in mainstream romantic narratives.

 

CONSENT IS EVERYONE’S BUSINESS

“Respecting someone’s boundaries, and knowing how to communicate your own, helps create trust in all kinds of relationships. That’s something we can all benefit from,” Irland said.

Boundaries are about more than just saying “no” or “yes.” They’re about understanding where someone is coming from, making sure there’s mutual respect and realizing that boundaries can be flexible. They change, and that’s ok. It’s all part of creating safer and healthier environments — something we all play a part in.

Title IX continues with more events aimed at deepening the conversation around consent and boundaries. Please visit

plattsburgh.edu/plattslife/health-safety/title-ix for more information.

 

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