Saturday, October 1, 2022

March 25 Horoscopes

By Sydney Hakes

Aries

Your life will soon cross the line from comedy to tragedy, sending an entirely different group of people into gales of laughter.

Taurus

You’ll slowly start to see the value of improving communication in all your relationships, if only to better understand what the frantic firemen are trying to tell you.

Gemini

Sometimes there is just no way to say you’re sorry, but the rest of the time you should probably try just walking up to the person and saying “I’m sorry.”

Cancer 

You’ll finally learn you can’t run away from your problems, but you haven’t given up on escaping by donning a clever disguise and hiding in a crowded restaurant.

Leo 

You’ve always considered yourself a belt-and-suspenders type, but all everyone else seems to focus on is your lack of pants.

Virgo

Someday, people will have healthy, well-adjusted attitudes toward sex, but until then, you can still have it occasionally.

Libra 

You will fall into a pattern of self-destructive behavior this week when you discover how much fun that sort of thing is.

Scorpio

You’ll get a free beverage refill when ordering a large-sized french fries, but really that’s going to be about it for you this week.

Sagittarius 

After your 17th time around as an underpaid office worker in the late-20th-to-early-21st centuries, you’re really starting to become disenchanted with the whole reincarnation thing.

Capricorn

While it’s true there’s nothing you wouldn’t do to make your friends happy, that impulse will soon come into conflict with your willingness to do anything for a decent piece of pie.

Aquarius

You’ll provide much-needed insight and deep wisdom when you loudly proclaim that those politicians are just a bunch of crooks in front of the whole bar.

Pisces

You never thought you’d get tired of the endless parade of deep-fried food that is your life, and sure enough, it hasn’t happened yet.

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