I think I looked at my phone maybe a 100 times. Waiting for that distinct sound that I’d received a text message. But nothing. I wait. Four days passed.
Lemme call her — it goes straight to voicemail. Unreplied texts and unanswered calls began to pile up. First comes denial. No worries I thought ‘she’s probably busy.’
More days passed and my mind began to fill with doubt, which is something I didn’t expect to feel after going out with said person for the past couple of months. Then finally, comes realization.
“Shit, I think I just got fucking ghosted.”
For those who don’t know the term, “ghosting,” it refers to the act where one person ends a relationship by simply disappearing.
The “ghost” does not give an explanation of any sort and just leaves the other person wondering what he or she did wrong.
There are many reasons why people ghost, but it is usually about avoidance and the fear of conflict. People want to avoid confrontation, difficult conversations, and hurting someone’s feelings.
Ghosting doesn’t really give you an indicator on how to react. It creates a sense of ambiguity, which is the last thing you want. Did I just imagine the whole time that she liked me? Should I be upset?
Not only does ghosting make you question the entire relationship you had, it also causes you to question yourself. That in itself can cause self-esteem issues which can not only affect future relationships but also his or her everyday lives.
Is there a better alternative than ghosting?
I’m not really sure. I don’t think there’s a best way of rejecting someone. It sucks either way, but I think getting any type of answer or closure is better than getting silence.
I’d prefer a face-to-face conversation. Why? Because it’s the one that gets straight to the point. Anybody could type up a two paragraph text and press send. But could you say those same things in front of them? I’ll wait.
Until you shut that door completely, there will be that unrealistic shred of hope.
That little glimmer of light is enough make the sanest person go insane. I’ve seen it happen to people I know firsthand. It consumes them.
In my situation, I felt like a fool. I spent a lot of time with this person, so I thought we had a connection of some sorts. I could of been doing a million of others things, but I decided I wanted to spend time with someone I cared about it.
That used to mean something — it still should, but in today’s society where social media rules and dating apps are rampant, we are now considered disposable.
Get what we need and then we get rid of them. I don’t think my time is disposable, I don’t think I’m disposable.
I don’t think people realize that they are dealing with real emotions here. Do they just expect that person to eventually get the memo that they’re not interested?
There aren’t girls lining up for me, despite my wishes, so when I do ask someone out on a date, it’s meant to be special. Call me old fashioned but I like sitting down and enjoying a good conversation.
I know I won’t hit it off with everyone. That’s unrealistic. But what should be realistic is that both parties are upfront with each other.
I get it. Dating and relationships are hard work. Two people are put in a very vulnerable position, and it can be really stressful.
Trust me, it can get to you, but I think that’s the point. There’s supposed to be a sense of unknown when you take a leap a faith.
So remember you and this person are both humans beings with real emotions, you cannot block it, swipe left at it or ignore it. Things like that don’t go away that easily.
Email David Luces at email@example.com